time is quickly earasing the memories...

wow time has flown ... I swear life is escaping the days tht lies in the past . wow we'll an update .... I believe christmas time I was flying back to Denver to see my folks. we'll I decided to move back in with my parents... really with no choice , from my then b/f of 8 months... he cheated on me and a lonnnnnng story comes with tht which is noones business ... and well I'm back... for now ... its 3 1/2 days til my 19th b day... horrary!!! next year I'll b 20 which seems odd to me ... :/

no other updates tht I care to share but I thought it would b nice to let u know I'm still alive ... and healthy as can b ... for now .

dont know what tomorrow holds but I'm hoping and praying for the best ...

<3>

pics

pics

pictures

update time

just wanted to update and tell you that a week tomorrow, I'll b in colorado... it just hit me that I'll b seeing my parents for the 1st time in 8 mnths, I'm getting nervous/excited. wow 1 more week to go it's really weird I dont really know how to feel, until I get on the plane I'll b like this... Once I'm situated on the plane, hopefully my nerves will b released. I can't wait !!!!

I'll update more this week...as I'm getting ready for my trip.
talk to you soon...
~DCO out~

about the poetryyy...

just to let ya'll know that the poems are not all about me ( I'm not a selfish artist when it comes to any of my work.) Yes, some of the poems relate to my life but pretty much when I create a poem I let my fingertips flow and they create a story for ya'll. Like right now I'm just speaking and typing , not even thinking about what I'm writing. Then again, thats the secret of writing poetry.... so no worries be happy , hope u enjoy the newer version of Danielles mind.

~Dco Out ~

p.s you can find these poems and more at www.poetry.com just search my name Danielle Oneill and there I am that whole page is full of my work. You can also scope out my everyday updates at www.myspace.com/daniellesworld88 just request me as your friend and theres my page . Enjoy :)

Poetry time

Invisible
When your scared where do u run? when ure sick of everything where do u hide? when your shadow runs in front of you how do u catch up? when nothing goes right what do u do? when ure addicted to sumthing wrong how can u cure? what can u do when numbness is all u feel? what do u do when ure heart broke 1000 times in 1 day? why does everything right seem so far away? How can you chase away the evil thoughts? How can you carry on when everything stings? How can you feel worthy when all u feel is worthness? how can u make everything right when noone is helping u out?
Danielle Catherine Oneill

Make Me Cry Again
You break my knees you smash my heart you cause
neverending tears down my cold soul you make it hard
for me to smile you make it hard for me to believe
your lies I saw it in writing the words you wrote to
her it sounded like I was in a unfaithful realtionship
you make me cut cut deeper into the sorrow you make
me bleed , bleeding sorrows so deep you dont have a
clue what your doing to me your making it harder to
find my reason for breathing you make me hurt like a
rock being smashed against my heart your cold soul
should be punished until the day the sun doesn't
shine, So I dare you Make me cry again...
Danielle Catherine Oneill

Friends with Benifits
It breaks my heart knowing we belong together but your
with her and I'm with him, Each time we meet is
forever in my heart. My souls timeclock pauses for the
touch of your arms surrounding my security. Life goes
on we meet every chance we get, each time I feel more
in Love with you and more in deep over my head. The
last time was at the Final hour of the day, I was so
surrounded by butterflies I almost cried when you
left. I didn't want you to leave, When you asked me if
I missed this, I smiled and said yes. Somehow I think
this thing we have will never end... will be our
second life ...our secret life for an enternity. That
would be worth living for, to be in your arms once
more...
Danielle Catherine Oneill

shadows Of memories
In the dark nothing to face but the moonlight shining
in the window as my mind fades away I see shadows of
us on the walls, like an image of my heart there.
Holding me so tightly letting the world fade around
us, One of my favorite memorys, Making love secretly
away from everyone... breaking rules but falling into
them as well. forgetting whats susposse to be and
being true, It's a sin but the walls are playing what
was meant to be. I'll never forget the ways the walls
could dance each memory into a perfect dream. I love
you more as the shadows dance. as the moonlight
dissapears the shadows escapes into the night, as I
close my eyes I swear the last shadow of us was when
you kissed me so dearly. I'll always remember when the
walls replayed the way my mind works of course I'll
always love you and of course I'll always dream of the
shadows of Memorys.
Danielle Catherine Oneill

How can u love me when you hate who I am...
The way you blame my tears on me. The way you put them
there, The way you put my life down, like your
perfect. The way you leave my heart sting after you
trampled over it, its smashed too many times against
my hollow soul before. Loving you has made me this
way, You dont think before you speak... you dont
realize what your words engrave the pain into my mind.
you dont care, Do you even love me or is this all
false. I asked you "How can you love me, when you hate
who I am?" You just sat there shaking your head for a
reasonable answer... And I kept on waiting, and I'm
still waiting for a cure to this wrenching pain. I
come to realization after many months of this war on
my heart that I might not find what I'm looking for in
your mind.

Danielle Catherine Oneill

Forever Embrace....
My hand trembles when you touch my soul. Your feel is
as soft as your heart. Your lips are perfect as they
glide across towards mine. As they meet, fireworks
explodes full of emotion. Its like an unspoken love
story... of forbidden love. I should'nt see you in
that way, but I can't help going back to you. You must
feel the same way, since you do the same thing. Day
and Night your in my heart, Your my reason for living,
You make me survive. You take my breath away. I dont
think I'm wrong for feeling what I do towards you,
Yeah I'm with him but all the emotions are with you.
So I'm Asking you to Forever Embrace what we have
right now, lock it in your heart and hope for the day
when we'll be together forever, Never forget me ...
and I'll never stop loving you.
Danielle Catherine Oneill

more pics

more pictures

pictures

hey

I was coming across this website when it reminded me that I have a blog waiting for me to update, since it's been like overdue for 1 . I believe Easter was the last time. We'll I dont know if I told you or not that I Moved back to Rockford the week following Easter I was talking to an old school mate, when I told him that I was 18 and I always had planned on moving back since its where I belong. And that I really needed to somehow dissapear and head tht way, Since I no longer need anyones permission to do things, I decided to one morning call this friend and have him pick me up at the bus station in denver so i went and got my money out and waited in the bus station until the next morning where he picked me up.... we were staying at his moms until june when we got our own place , i worked at marshalls for a couple of months and then otherwise ive been working for his step dad its now december and Im getting ready to fly back for the 1st time since the move ...for christmas, I'm excited ...alittle nervous that on christmas day all my family is going to be questionaires... but hey thats my family for ya , lol. n I just hope I'm not surrounded by jugdment of how I moved... but I'll get through it.... other than tht 2007 is going to b a better year I'll turn 19 get my liscense , GED , and of course a better job. we'll I hope you have enjoyed this update, And I will defenitly update sooner , have a good day xo Danielle

p.s check out my Myspace www.myspace.com/daniellesworld88 for recent photos and blogs and everyday updates, I have my settings on privacy so you'll have to ask to be my friend inorder to c my page.

ttyl
xoxo DAnni

happy easter to all...

So Did the Easter bunny visit last night? ....

yup you guessed it ...I'm at my uncles updating my blog .... since on my own computer it takes forever with every other word freezing up... anyway i kno how flattered u seem to think that I traveled here today just for all my readers. but Ive been here all weekend :( sorry to say i didnt update first thing when I got here. anyway i hate to say nothing interesting after all that but thats the way my mind rolls...Im creative late late at night last night I was up til 4am I awoke at 7:00 am I'M currently on a sugar buzz from my coffee ....Ill be find ... i hope ....anyway tomorrow back to the salt mines.... Im thinking of a higher paying job in the near future. Ill let ya kno ...the next time Im over here :) ;) :)

xoxo Danielle xoxo

hey

update time once again ... well in my last post it was 15 days til my 18th birthday today is friday the 17th of march 4 days after my b day ....so monday morning i awoke to feeling alittle wiser and older ... i had to work tht day so i figured today was a good working day when i arrived staff asked how i felt ? and told me Happy 18th .i recieved a card from all the staff with the whole page filled with notes and I even recieved a cake it was vanilla round cake it had cool whip and in the middle was strawberries and strawberry syrup almost like strawberry shortcake ....mmmmmm was all i could think .... it was the best cake ever ... so i worked the day through ... that night I had dinner at Applebees bar and grill off colfax with a family friend Mary lou and my mom ....then about 2 hours later I went to my Grams new place to scope it out (she moved there the previous sat.) and I haven't yet seen it so it was nice to visit her on my birthday and I must say this new place that she is at is the best yet. tuesday was an ordinary tuesday... I worked ....wednesday i worked then went to Red rocks in the evening and did sum studying.... thursday...was just a thursday.... and here it is now Friday st. pattys day whewwww it is about 10 pm here and i am updating my blog at my uncles house while they are out partying the night away ...ohhh yeah I babysat 4 toddlers with my brother .... so I will udate in the next week or so or maybe ill stick to the 15 day update who knos but all i can say is goodnight and farewell for now .... so I will talk to u later :) ;) :) xoxo Danielle xoxo

a good week

Finally the countdown has come to a stop as this monday has arrived and has passed us by. We all kno what that means ... Danielle O. Is 18 finally :) who hoo Thank u all so much for the cards and flowers ...it really means alot to me ...:( start sending folks ......so this week is almost up wheww flew by like that if u kno what i mean ...danielle

~~~*** 15 more days***~~~

...until the most important day of the year ...well according to me :) Its my 18th birthday...which means as you kno I can finally play lotto, get my liscence, buy my own ciggerates, register to vote, go and get a tattoo, and legally move out (but I wont for a year) ... yay !!!! If you can't do the math for sum reason or another... March 13th is the day I'm talking about ... just kno on tht day ....hmmmmm how should I word it .... Is a day Danielle will be celebrating.... so ne way not much going on that I couldn't bore u with....

sum news that has arrived in our family recently is my cuz... Colleen is expecting her first child ...sumtime in I believe October... Congrats and best wishes to her !!!

on the other side of the news (theres always bad news with good news, don't kno why...but always is...) Our Dog Chi-chi has passed. she will always be in our memories and forever in our hearts....

well thats about it ...or as much as I feel like typing ...

so have a Splendid day...

xoxo Danielle xoxo

not much 2 say...

NOT MUCH TOO SAY BUT IM GLAD THAT ITS FRIDAY, OVERALL THIS WEEK HAS GONE BY IN A SNAP. MONDAY-9:45AM-->MY BRACES FINALLY CAME OFF AFTER ALMOST 3 YEARS ( BRING ON THE SWEETS) TUESDAY--FRIDAY WORKED

SATURDAY-HORSE PROTECTION LEAGUE ---THEN IN THE EVENING MY GRANDMA ONEILL IS COMING OVER TO STAY THE NIGHT
SUNDAY-GRANDMAS BIRTHDAY SO FAMILY IS COMING OVER
THEN WERE TAKING GRANDMA BACK TO HER PLACE AND GOING TO THE STOCKSHOW WHICH IF U HAVE HEARD ABOUT STOP BY THE HORSE PROTECTION LEAGUE BOOTH WE HAVE ONE UPSTAIRS AND ONE DOWNSTAIRS

OTHER THAN THAT I CANT PREDICT THE FUTURE AFTER THAT
SO ENJOY URE WEEKEND AND ILL UPDATE LATER ON
DANIELLE
PS IM GOING TO POST SOME PICTURES OF WHAT I TOOK AT HPL LET ME KNOW WHAT U THINK

STUFFFFFF!!!!!

THIS PAST WEEK HAS BEEN SO EASY FOR ME SINCE I ONLY HAD TO WORK ONE DAY MONDAY BECAUSE THE DAY CARE IS LOW ON KIDS WHICH MEANS THEY HAVE TOO MANY STAFF AND ARE STILL HIRING STAFF AND THEY NEED TO TAKE DOWN THE NOW HIRING SIGN ... ANY WAY THAT LEFT ME WITH THE OPTION TO GO MONDAY NIGHT AND GET MY NOSE PIERCED ... REALLY DIDNT HURT JUST IN TIME FOR CHRISTMAS PICS WITH THE FAMILY

WHENEVER I GET A GOOD ENOUGH PIC. ILL POST IT ON HERE

SO WELL GOTTA GO WRAP PRESENTS

CHAO

MERRY CHRISTMAS HAPPY HOLIDAYS

DANI

Christmas time...

ITS CHRISTMAS TIME AGAIN, THIS YEAR HAS GONE BY IN A BLINK. SO MANY THINGS HAVE HAPPENED, GOOD AND SOME NOT SO GOOD. FOR WHATEVER IT WAS AT THE MOMENT, I HAVE ONE RULE THAT AT THE BEGINNING OF EACH YEAR-TIL THE END OF THAT YEAR I TELL MY SELF.


"I AM WHO I AM TODAY, NO BETTER OF A PERSON THAN YESTERDAY. BUT MANY YESTERDAYS LED ME UP TO TODAY. I HAVE NO REGRETS OF WHO I HAVE BECOME. FOR IM NOT A PERSON THAT LOOKS FOR ANSWERS IN THE PAST. I LOOK BEYOND TODAY AND INTO THE FUTURE."

JUST A LITTLE THING THAT KEEPS ME MOTIVATED AND TO NOT GIVE UP

ANY WAY I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT I HAVE A JOB I WORK AT A DAYCARE OFF 38TH. IN WHEATRIGDE. I AM CURRENTLY SAVING UP FOR A CAR . AND ALL THE GOOD STUFF THAT YOU NEED WITH THE CAR. AND TO GET MY BRACES OFF ON THE 2ND OF JAN

HAPPY HOLIDAYS
DANIELLE

hey finally an update

Im starting to think that Im not the blogger type. Once again Im sorry I havent updated since I got back from my trip. I guess you could say I lied in my last post. I am a horrible person. Well its been like 2 months since we got back from our trip. alot has been going on. I know i normally use that as my exuse in previsous post but today I am not lieing. lets see what can I tell you that will surprise you. well you all know if you have been a fan since day one that last year my sophmore year in high school. some issuses have been popping up and I really dreaded school. not just school itself but the people and even waking up was a challenge. because I knew that the day ahead was a total waste and no one would understand. so towards april 05 I started thinking about maybe ditching my last class on some days of the week just to make the day alot easier then 2 classes and 3 classes and eventually i would take the school bus or whenever Mom and Dad would drop me off i would make a huge loop and always remember my house key and go to the nearest hidden bus stop and go back home 2 weeks later parents got a phone call wondering where I was . so I slowly begin the process of dropping out where I dropped a few classes and I ended up not going to any classes so by May 05 I offically dropped out of school. So Ive been outta school for 5 months I'm actually filling out alot of job aplications these days. about 5 1/2 mnths til i turn 18 in March 06 my plan is : get a job maybe a couple... Get my GED ...get my drivers lisence ... get a car ... and move out and begin my life back in Rockford,IL ...and then someday down the line do something militaryish ..............once Im done with that then work on my acting career . soooooooooo I have a lot on my plate nowadays so if u dont hear back from me in the next couple of weeks ...you shall not worry just busy with life .... I will update once I get a job though ...........enjoy your day... Danielle

Hello from Illinois

Its vacation time for My brother and I ...when I get back Ill tell u all about it . xoxoxo Dani

July 4th...

ahhhhhhhh......weeeeeeee.....ohhhhhhhh......whewwww...ahhhhh (etc) That sounds like that time of year again where we gather with our family , we cuddle in blankets, without a care that were on dewy grass. looking up into the stary night sky waiting for that frist big bang, and colorful sparks that follow. as they get louder little kids cover their ears. the echos in the sky, which leave you wondering if an earthquake is about to arupt the very ground youre sitting on. That must only mean that July 4th 2005. another round of Fireworks has passed us by. I hope you had a very nice and I would say peaceful but then again Fireworks arent that peaceful espically in 3 in the morning when the annoying neighbors are still doing Fireworks that happen to be the loudest kind and apparently right outside my window . ahhhhhhhh my favorite holiday.... not very relaxing though. :) Dani

This is my dog Molly. she is 4 years old Yes we know she does have a big head!!!

this is my dog, Chi-Chi, She'll be 15 this october .

This weeks Illustration Friday topic is Black and White, I did this hand because I think it represents equality and the way the world should be ...non judgemental by the color of our skin.

8:30 am...

Isnt is amazing that different days you wake up 3 hours earlier than the previous day...okay maybe not that amazing. today is more of a normal day . I wake up at 8 am, I do a couple of loads of clothes, I go on the computer, job search, update my blog...okay maybe not a normal day since i dont update my blog everyday...it just seemed that i woke up and thought today Im going to update my blog...for who knows what reasons. and then the rest of the day is pretty much boring. I should update more often and say absolutly stupid stuff that no one cares about let alone its pretty much pointless. and I probally just wasted some of my typing that i cant get back in the future. for example... lets just say when Im 80 years old and Im typing the last3 words of my will...all of a sudden my fingers lock up permantly ....and then I die of a heart attack...( theres a death thats memoriable) .then no one will no what was in my will....then who will be to blame but me...so I better save myself now and Ill see ya next month...okay 2 weeks ...sounds good .... Danielle

Been Busy .............

Hey sorry I havent been updating at all...Ive been busy with the Move , were finally settled in . and other family ermergencys popping up from left to right but other than that its just been alot going . today was like this... got up 6:30 wait til the landlord got here all morning to fix sumthing that he was susspose to be here by 7 ...7 am arrives nothing ...8 am arrives ...nothing.... 9am my mom picked me up for a doctors appointment , finally I hear from the guy hes not coming at like 2 pm so I just wasted a day waiting for him. next they moved my grandma O'Neill to a different hospital. and she getting the help she needs or their trying to figure out what the deal is there. other than that just living life the way its too be lived ....if tht makes ne sence . so i promise next week sumtime ill have a chance to update my book and my blog . wow I just did all tht in 5 minutes ...whewwwwwwwwwww so for now reach for your dreams and strive high. ~Danielle~

Illustration friday topic for the week of may1-7 is Ambition I imediallty thought of this , Life is like a ladder that we tend to grow upon if ure the leader u teach lessons if your in the middle u got someone behind u pushing u and someone in front of to learn upon. if u fall off the ladder u can learn ure lesson and try again. but the steeper the fall the steeper the injury. But u see my illustraition is basic unlike life. but yet if u look at this picture. you can see the reality in it, see how many people just like you are striving each and everyday trying not to fall but knowing that one step at a time is one step closer to reaching their dream.

4/29/05

10 days ago I made my last post. Yeah I know alittle late, but hey it happenes. Especially when I have nothing interesting to really say. You could say I've had writers block, not only too this blog but to my book as well. Yeah I should type more chapters on here, And I will, just not today. Ill probally post lasts weeks Illustration Friday on here today, The topic was Daring plus this weeks topic which is Ambition. I already have that figured out. Ill try not to delay any more entrys that are more than 10 days . I can't gaurentee though. Whats been going on you ask... well besides school...not much. I did go and see the movie "Alot like Love." I must say the storyline was good, But I wish it had ended a different way. But other than that it was worth the money to go. Nothing compared to "The Notebook." though. other than that I'm starting to see alot more boxes. So until next time america. This is goodbye for now. ~Danielle~

Tears are warmer than the atmosphere:

continue chapter 9:The 1st letter...
Joseph and I continued to see each other. We somtimes went to walk along the beach at night. Sometimes we just stayed up all night talking to each other. We often went to a movie or even bowling a few times. On our 5th month anniversy which happened to be my birthday, he took me out to a resturant called Maggianos. It was a nice little sit down fancy resturant that had good food for a good price. Afterwards he took me to his place. We sat out on his porch looking at the stars. It was that night that he turned to me and said the words I'd been longing to hear. "Candence I love you." I was shocked when he said it. but without a doubt I replied. "Joseph, I love you too." . Joseph held me, I held him. We kissed so perfectly. Joseph had a way to make all the world calm, being with him was like all the dangers of every kind disappeared. I could easily see myself with him for the rest of my life. Believe me it wasn't that hard too. Later that night we made love for the first time. It felt right, and I knew for a fact that it was time. Bella when you ever find a love so perfect that you know, that it was so destined to be. You will know that it was your time. And hopefully you don't rush into anyhting but make shure that the timing is right and you will see your future is growing. And you will suddenly feel like that one special person of yours is only devoted to you.
Well Bella you just survied the 1st letter, Compared to the next letter this is nothing. So I warn you the next letters are extremely emotional. So go on today and wait tomorrow to read the next 2 letters. You'll see then what I mean.
Love Candence Your ma.

night sky picture see last blog entry explains alittle more

HEY

Hey I want to know if anyone is reading my story out there. Besides the people I already know that are reading it. I haven't recieved any comments yet so Please if you are reading this just comment on something, wheter I need to improve, or if you like it or if you don't. I'll post the next chapter tomorrow. other news I've been driving alot at night, I've been painting lately: infact this is my latest it has nothing to do with anything. ( the yellow is the clouds at night with the moon) I've decided that I'm not doing an Illustration Friday this week. so I hope you enjoy the painting and the next chapter tomorrow. ~Danielle~

Tears are warmer than the Atmosphere:

Chapter 9: The 1st Letter...



Dear my Bella,
I wrote these letters for you. By the time you finish,
You might consider forgiving the harsh past. But
yet your choice if you don't ever. I also hope you
will find it in your soul to love me like you use to.
In these letters, you will discover a secret that will
help you everyday, And make all your dreams come to life.
These letters are stories of my past, and the present, that will lead to your future.
Undiscovered answers lie to your questions after all these years.
I had to find a way to tell you and I chose this way. Some of these letters will be emotional for
you to handle. So Bella I begin with this tale of my world.
Love your mom, Candence.
Dear Bella,
Your Grandmother and I always use to believe there was a better way to life. we thought just because it didn't go the way we wanted it to, just to be paitient and life will get better. well I believed all the way into college. It was a Sunday afternoon, When I met a man named Joseph (your father). Joseph strengthen that belief. I was working at an ice cream parlor. When a man came in with whom looked to be his mother. The man was tall, he had brown hair, and to what I could tell brown eyes. He was wearing a blue suit. I think it was church clothes. He didn't seem much older than I was at the time, I was 18. His mother was wearing a nice blouse with brown slacks. Anyway they came in and I noticed he wasn't bad looking, kinda charming to think about it. He ordered the mint chocalate chip cone. I commented that ,that flavor is my favorite. He smiled back. His mother ordered the vanilla caramel Sundae. Excellent choice I told her. She laughed, and said that I had a beautiful smile, don't you think so Joseph, He replied back Yes , Very beautiful. We held eye contact for a minute. And then he winked, and of course I blushed, His mother said to him, What are you doing just staring at her thats not going to change anything, make a move, ask her out. So he asked me, I think he was alittle embarrsed. I said Yes I would love to, then he winked again. My names Joseph Kurket. And your name is he asked polietly. Candence Morgan I replied. He said Wow that name is almost as beautiful as you are. Why Thank you I said. He was charming as a prince that was soon to sweep me off my feet. The next Saturday was our 1st date, He picked me up around 7:30 that night. That night was a beautiful night the stars glistened perfectly in the sky, the moon was glowing in a perfect cresent shape. There was a slight breeze in the air. We went to the park and walked over and over on the sidewalk going back and forth. I don't think we wanted the night to end. After many hours of talking under the stars with a slight breeze in the midst of the air. he turned to me and asked. Candence May I ask you something? Shure anything, I replied , He stopped and I moved as he did. He faced me , My hair was swaying in the wind. May I kiss you? And to my surprise like I was waiting for him to ask me all night. I answered Yes Please do. It was a sweet but passionate kiss. one that took place only for a second but will take a lifetime to forget. We sat down on a nearby bench. I asked him to recite some poetry. He turned to me and recited this... Look at me when I tell you this. I never knew I could fall so deep. but then one beautiful night, your kiss embraced my soul. I would love to tell you my inner thoughts and future. but one thing comes to mind. I never knew it could be so easy when I learned I fell for you . Please dance with me Candence , all the dangerous , evil around us . without you my girl all sins take over my part in the world . That poem Bella you see changed my impression for Joseph. you see as the night progressed I was quickly falling for him, and I think he knew.
Bella the next letter will continue from this letter. so go ahead and open the next letter.

Tears are warmer than the atmosphere

Chapter 8 : Letters of the past.
Nathan dropped Bella off at the house since he had to work. When Bella walked through the door she saw that April was sitting down on the couch. So she decided to go sit by her.
" Guess who I ran into at K.F.C?"
"who?" April asked
"Allison." Bella replied
"As in your sister?"
"Yeah."
"what did she have to say?" April asked, now interested.
"actually alot."
"well..." April wanted Bella to continue on.
"okay, She got a call from our mother last month. My mom needed to give her something. So Allison went to visit her. She said that they caught up and talked about old stuff. then as Allison was leaving, My mom told her to wait for a minute she had to get something from her room. My mom gave her 2 packages, 1 for Allison and 1 for me. when Allison got home she opened her package and they were letters, That my mom had wrote to her. I still have to open mine. I don't know If I should though."
" I think its for your good that you should, I mean your mom did write these letters for something, Maybe these will explain what happen to you. but thats just my opion." April suggested.
" yeah your probally right, ok I'll read them."
"Okay now that we have that situated, I'm going to go sleep I have been tired today, plus you have some letters to read." April said while hugging Bella
Bella sat on the couch, with the letters on the seat next to her. In her mind her thoughts were preparing herself for the next couple of minutes. She didn't know what to expect when she opened the box. She opened the lid of the box . In there was a stack of letters. She took the one that had her name written in cursive and a number 1 on it.

Tears are warmer than the Atmosphere:

Chapter 7 :Reunion
April just stood there she couln't believe what the doctor had just said. She was only 15 and pregnant with AIDs what did she do wrong, she didn't deserve it. In another 15 years or so she could be dead she didn't want to die.
The rest of the afternoon April wanted to be alone so she asked Nathan if he could take Bella to go bowling or something. So Bella and Nathan went to go get lunch.
while at lunch Bella saw someone she knew, someone she wondered frequently about, she saw her sister, Allison.
Allison looked more than her age. She would be 13 now. she had long brown hair, with bleach blonde highlights. she had Blue eyes and she was tall. she was wearing jeans and a white t-shirt.
To Bella she looked 16, so wise, so mature, so much like mom.
when Bella was telling Nathan, That it was her sister. Allison walked towards Bella.
"Hey you look alot like my sister." Allison said
"Yeah, how do you do?...Allison." I'm your sister Bella"
"OMG...you like totally are...aren't you." Allison replied.
"yeah I am, so how are you?"
"I'm awesome...oh Bella this is my boyfriend Brad...Brad this is Bella my sister."
"well arent you all grown up."
"Yeah I guess...oh and who is this." allison asked looking at Nathan.
" Hi ...I'm Bellas..." Nathan started
"Boyfriend." Bella finished the sentence.
"Okay..well Bella do you have an hour we need to chat about something, plus I have something from someone to give to you."
"okay from who?" Bella asked almost impaitently.
"from Mom"

Tears are warmer than the Atmosphere:

Chapter 6: Questions answered
It was a monday afternoon, April and Bella were at Aprils doctor appointment, to find out if she was pregnant or not.
"April Blemming..." the nurse called.
April and Bella followed the nurse into a small room.
"Miss...I'm sorry but your going to have to step out for a minute." The nurse saying to Bella.
Bella hugged april, And walked out into the waiting room, when she sat down she noticed a girl about the same age as April, the girl was sitting with her mother. Bella reconized that the girl was about 7 months pregnant. Bella couldn't get the thought of april ever being Pregnant. and how could Bella ever tell april about her and Nathan. Too many confusing things in her life nowadays.
Bella leaned back and closed her eyes thinking back to whenever her mother would bring her to the doctors office, Afterwards she would always get a sticker of her choice. Turns out she was so into her thoughts and felt so realxed that she was quickly falling asleep.
She was awoken to April sitting down in the chair next to her.
"I'm all done." April said
"How'd it go?"
"So far so good, no news yet , they'll call me back in a minute."
"Okay,( Bella leaned back and April put her head on Bellas shoulder) You know whatever happens, I'll be by your side." Bella assured April.
"I Know"
They watched the little kids playing in the waiting room. until they heard the doctor.
"April Blemming, will you come back here." The doctor asked April.
Bella started to get up and follow.
" Oh no, just april," the doctor asked polietly.
"No, shes my best friend, I want her to back with me...Please."
"Alright then this way"
they went in the room and the doctor closed the door. " April, theres no easy way for me to say this, espically at your age. but the test came out positive...April your Pregnant."
April just stared at him, "I'm what, I cant be...I'm only 15, what about school, this must be a mistake. what about m..."
the doctor interupted, " April thats not all we found, the test,"
" well what else did you find?" April was already scared...I mean what else could there be.
"Another test proved that you have...have recieved 70% positive HIV. In other words april you have AIDS.

Been busy lately....

Hey, I have been busy...with alot of things. #1 is that were moving...again near May 22nd, The landlord called and said that we got the place. so that means I'll be once again looking at alot of boxes in the next month.

#2 is school, and homework...(homework?...whats that?)
#3 is Driving ........
I'm going to try to get the next couple of chapters up on here in the next couple of days. I think the next 3 Chapters are the most important in the book. or they all led to the interesting parts of the book.

so thats pretty much it for now ...I'm going to go and Drive around now so see ya later.

~Danielle~

Snow Day

Saturday we have no snow...
Sunday snow is falling...
Monday snow has settled 24inches later.

so what does all this equal too....No School!!!!
thats all I have to say!!!

~Danielle~

llistration Friday topic Alone. I thought of a Rose

Tears are warmer than the atmosphere:

Chapter 5: Dreams and Nightmares....
Their lips met and Bella couldn't believe what could ever come of this.
So they walked home hand in hand. when they got home he kissed her again and again, until they got to the couch then he held her close.
Bella like kissing Nathan but she didn't want to rush into anything too fast. On her inside her thoughts were already made up for her, it was a rush of comfort was the way Bella felt with Nathan. And the more she kissed him the more she wanted to do more stuff. After 2 hours Nathan went to get something. When he came back he asked. the final words Bella needed to here. "are you ready?" And without thinking Bella answered "Of course."
The rest is faded in her mind....

She remembers waking up in Nathans' arms. Bella sat up and realized how much April could be hurt from this. Could she be falling for Nathan. All these questions in her mind when she heard the door bell go off. she fixed her appeareance in the mirror near the door.
Then she opened the door and it was April crying. April grabbed Bella's arm and led her to her room where she shut the door behind her. They sat on the bed and before Bella could get a word in April started her explanation.
" Last night Josh and I were at the Remix dancing nightclub and we were doing our own thing. When one of Josh's friends came up to us, and asked up if we wanted to go to his house, his parents were out of town. Josh and I went for the sake of it. There was about 60 people already there when we arrived. Then Josh grabbed my hand and led me up the stairs to one of the bedrooms , when we get in Josh locks the door behind him and of course we were drinking or more that Josh was drinking I was pretending to be drinking, anyway Josh was alittle drunk around 2AMish so we sit down and Josh starts to take off his shirt, I knew I wasn't ready and i told him over and over that night. But hes like ingnoring me and he pulls me underneath him and I'm like yelling no! no!! no!!! get off me, I'm struggling now. He even starts taking off my clothes. I tried hitting him, punching him, doing anything I could. But he was controling and abusive . He must of hit me next because I blacked out and When I woke up this morning Josh was passed out next to me and I sat up realizing that it was too late. I managed to get out and now I'm here."
April threw her head into Bellas chest. And cries I was Raped Bella...I was Raped.
They were both crying now Bella reassured April that she wouldn't let anything happen to her like that again.
Later on Bella asked April a question that would detremine the next day.
" Did he use protection?"
April sat straight up and answered truthfully.
" I dont know...."

Tears are warmer than the atmosphere:

Chapter 4: Bad things bring new beginnings.
5 years Later
Aprils parents got a call from her aunt. Her husband was in the hospital. for a kidney transplant and things werent looking good, So she called her sister asking if they could be there to help. So Aprils parents put Nathan in charge. They left a thursday night. The following night Bella and April made plans, double dates actually.
April wore a purple tanktop with the bluest skirt. She straighten her hair, parted it with zigzags. That showed off her freshly new blonde highlights. April had not too lang dyed her hair dark brown and cut her hair to her shoulders. Bella thought she looked beautiful. April thought Bella looked the same. which she was, Bella had on a black halter top and a white knee loose trim skirt. She had curly burnette hair that she wore past her shoulders. She parted her bangs to one side. She put blue eye shadow, some lip gloss, eyelinear, and a little mascara on.
"How do I look?" Bella asked
April just stared in awe. " You look great!"
Bella jokingly replied" yeah I do don't I ."
(both laugh)
Phone rings and April answers. "Hello..."
"Oh hi nick, do you wanna talk to Bella...(pauses)...Oh really,shes going to be so bummed out... that sucks about your sister....(pauses)... ok I will....thanks anyways" hangs up
"Well that was nick wasn't it, is he ready?" Bella nervously asked question after question.
"he's not coming his sisters in the hospital."
" what I got ready for nothing,"
" Im going to cancel my date as well then well go do something." April said.
" No don't , not because of me, you still go out and have fun, Ill stay here and chill with Nathan." Bella pleaded while hugging April.
" alright thanks." April said while running out of the door.
Bella goes and sits on the couch to where Nathan sits.
" whats up why aren't you out with april." Nathan asked still watching T.V.
" My date canceled on me."
"Oh well that guy aint worth it, So how late is april susspose to be out?"
"does it matter, I mean your parents are out all night, so who knows tomorrow."
"yeah I guess your right." Nathan replied.
" Yeah I'm gonna go get some ice cream you wanna come?" Bella asked
This time Nathan looked at Bella. and noticed how beautiful she was,He never saw her with makeup on.
" Shure..let me go grab some money" Nathan replied.
(10 minutes later they were seated.)
Nathan---> So......Nathan couldn't stop staring at her.
Bella----> So.....
both laugh.
Bella stared at Nathan for a minute, noticing what she never noticed before, how cute he was.
Nathan was 5 ft 7 inches 4 inches taller than Bella, had brown hair average bodyhe had freckles underneath his brown eyes.
They finished their ice cream. and they started to walk home, when it started to rain hard they started to run but so much for that they got tired. Then Nathan noticed Bellas mascara was running. So he pointed to his face, and she started to wipe it away, she missed completely. Nathan took his thumb and wiped it for her. Then her eyes caught his, and he paused then he smiled and brought her closer to her face.
" wait ...what about April this could be a bad idea." Bella stopped him.
" Don't worry about April."
" Give me one reason not to?"
" Because your beautiful, now hush so I can kiss you."
Bella kept quiet and let him do the rest.

Tears are warmer than the atmosphere:

Chapter 3: Sore
The next day Bella went to Aprils house for the slumber party.
ding dong.... Ding dong
April answered the door. " Hey Bella , come on in and take your stuff to my room."
Bella walked into Aprils room she set her stuff on the chair and went and sat by April.
" My mom said you called yesterday, but then she heard a smack at something and then a dial tone" April began the conversation.
" Yeah that was me, Sorry about that, you see I kind of fell and the phone hit the counter, and then it hit the wrong button, I thought about calling back but then maybe your mom would be more mad at me." Bella felt a lump in her throat as she told the lie to her best friend.
"It's ok, my mom thought a mishap had happened with the phone." So what do you wanna do?"
April asked.
" Anything really would be fine by me. "
Quickly without really thinking about it, like she knew what she wanted to do all along, April replied. " Let's go swimming,"
Bella thought that might not of been the greatest plan, but she decided she would swim with a t-shirt on to cover up her arms. " Okay."
"last one in is a rotton egg!" April yelled while running down the hallway towards the back door.
Bella heard a splash and then she heard her voice being called.
Bella got her suit on and pulled over a large t- shirt.
" Aren't you going to take off your t-shirt? the water feels good."
" No way!" then to quickly end the converstation Bella did a cannon ball into the water.
" So how does it feel to be ten, when I turned ten it was awesome... Bella whats wrong?"
Bella couldn't hold the tears back anymore. Aprils mother must of heard Bella crying because when Bella was telling April what happened she heard every word. Aprils mother grabbed the phone and decided to call 911.
Bella remembered moving in with April, and her sister being put in a foster care program, The bruise on her mothers' leg turned out to be from her father the last night she ever saw him. Bella wondered how all this was to be, She never knew 5 years down the road shed' soon find out. but before that memory another heart ache happened in her mind, this time not to Bella. It all happened 5 years later...

Tears are warmer than the Atmosphere.

Chapter 2 : Age Ten is Different...
"So what are you going to do for your tenth birthday this saturday?" April asked Bella.
"I don't know, My mom and Dad have this court thing but never mind about that."
" Okay ...well could you come over to my house this saturday?"
" I'd have to ask but I'm pretty sure I can."
"Great, we can have a slumber party, stay up as late as we can, plus we can go swimming. So bring your suit.
"sounds cool!"
Later when Bella arrived home she saw her mom in the kitchen and thought it would be the perfect time to ask.
" Mom, can I go over to Aprils house on Saturday?" Bella asked.
" But isn't that your birthday?" her Mom stated.
"Yeah, April really wants me to spend the night."
" I don't care Bella." Bella noticed her mom was walking was walking differently. Almost like she had a bruise on her leg.
"Mom are you alright, your leg looks..." her mom interupted her "Bella I'm Fine, can't you see I'm busy here, Go bother someone else. "
" What did I do?" just whens Dad getting home?"
"Nevermind about your father. I dont think...He's working late again, by the way I'm picking you up from school tomorrow."
"No, I want to ride the bus with April !"
Bella noticed her mothers tone of voice was louder.
"Bella , Please I'm picking you up. You got that... You Damn Kid, I try to do something nice for a change and you want to ride the bus!" ..." Bella, why don't we have any Beer around here. It's because of you and your sister isn't it."
"Mom your drunk, aren't you. Just sit down. "
Bella was use to her mother drunk.
Bella reached towards her mothers' arm.
now her mom was yelling
"Bella don't touch me, And who are you to say that I'm drunk."
Bella looked back at this memory and to what happened next as something that was torture to her mind. Bella looked back as if it was yesterday.
Bellas mother grabbed her hand and was squeezing harder. Bella noticed the empty bottle that was once in her mothers hand was shattered on the wooden floor. her mother was screaming now. " You want to know about your father do you!"
" Mom your hurting me!" Bella pleaded.
"well do you!"
Her mother was squeezing harder than ever now. dragged her over to the sofa, And threw Bella down upon the sofa. Bella landed on her face, When she looked up towards her mother she saw the arm that once threw her, in a swinging motion. Bella didn't have much time to react. Her mothers palm met her face. and then countinulsely like her arm was on a rewinding button. Until finally Bella Blacked out.
Bella woke up to her mother passed out, She ran and got the phone, the 1st thing that came to her mind was call April.
ring....ring....rin..."hello"
"hey is April there?" " this is Bella"
"I'm sorry but April is out with her father shopping for school supplies"
"well could ....I come over ?"
Bella heard her mother come over to her " Bella I'm not done with you... who are you talking to.?"
That was all that Bella remembred about that day. And then the next day happened....

about the poems

a while ago I posted these poems on a website called www.poetry.com If u want you in order to search for my poems you have to type in the search bar on that website last name: Oneill (no ' ) First name: Danielle and you should get those poems, some times I will not post them on this blog and I will only post them on that website .

poetry

Whenever
Whenever you are lost or worried just look at the stars and feel my gaze upon you.whenever you are sad or hurt just come sit by my side and let me warm your soul and wounds. whenever you dont know the answers in life follow your heart for your gut is just your gut and will lead you nowhere. whenever you fail to be somebody else dont worry your inside fits you better. whenever you feel lonely and down just think of the warmth of the sun or just think of this poem.

poetry

My Best Friend was defently unique She had a sweet depenable mind I was so Blind to see what was to come I never couldve lived if I knew the future Why was i the one that was being tortured inside. No one knew the fright in my eyes When she said goodbye, I must of not been good enough for her, enough is said and too many things not accomplished, If I could say one last thing it would be My Angel left Me.

poetry

Sunshine
Even if the beauty of the sun stops shiningnothing is going to change Not even the cracks in the world could Unglue our closeness you will always be my friend but forever my soulmate You learned to listen to my sweet words gave your advice to me Told me I was beatiful and had a sweet luallyby I couldnt imange This world without your smile For you remind me of the oceans blue soulAnd the sun yellow glow...

poetry

Lifeless
she looked in the mirror and cryed out loud she didnt understand why she was the way she was she didnt want to to understand she knew the cuts were too deep to change she wondered if heaven was the right place she wondered if she was doing the right thing, she put the weapon in her hand and loaded it, then she prayed the last prayer she would pray, she cryed out her last fearand then she dissapeared from the evilshe escaped when she pulled the triger she lost her ugliness and became a beatiful angel and for the first time she spread her wings

poetry

Courage, Look inside a mirror and see inside, if you like what you see then you dont have to change, where would be the rainbow had the eyes no tears, Courage is faith with humilty, never give up on your life for failure gets nowhere within frequency, the special part of you comes from the heart. Smile when you are sad, and dont take advantage of the cruelity of this world.

Poetry

I told my thoughts to leave you alone
I tell my thoughts to leave you alone I try to figure you out,within each gaze you give me,One Minute your staring into my deep blue eyes and the next your holding the stare into hers. Is it completely worthless will i lose at this game each and every time,when will i capture a win, when will i catch your heart. Im falling deep into a hole, a hole where I cant get up or out of why did i let my self fall into your hole called love.

Tears are warmer than the atmosphere:

Chapter 1 : Birthday wishes
It was 1985 when Bella blew out her birthday cake she was turning 9 that year.
"What'd you wish for ?" her 7 year old sister Allison asked.
"If I tell it won't come true." but what Bella really wished for was to have a best friend, one where she could really call and tell her secrects to. Bella never really had a best friend, she had friends but not anyone she could really get together with over the weekend. Bella did have this friend named Mandy that had called her a few times. And had spent the night with everyonce and a while. But Mandys Dad got a job offer in Europe. So mandy moved away. Which at that time Bella was only 6, so she didn't get all emotional. She was sad but in a way a a pet dies for a child. which only caused one or two tears in her eyes.
Bella hoped her wish would come true, so she didn't have to bug her sister anymore to play games. She liked playing with her sister, But she wanted a friend more her age. Bella knew once her sister had asked, She should of saved her wish for another birthday. She always wanted a best friend though, who knew maybe this year would be different.
A week later school started. Bella was nervous but never showed. That morning she woke up and combed her hair, She got dressed in a green sweater along with a blue skirt. When she was done eating her breakfast. She walked towards the bus stop.
She noticed there was a girl and a boy standing at her stop. She paid attention to the girl. The little girl had blonde waist length hair, Blue eyes, the girl was wearing a white skirt with a pink tank top. She must of been 9 or 10.
The girl glanced at Bella and smiled, Once Bella was closer she saw that the girl was wearing a similar style skirt.
"Hi." the girl said while noticing the similarities in the skirts they were wearing.
"Hi." Bella replied.
"whats your name?"
"Bella, what's yours?"
"April, what school are you going to?"
"Ralston Middle."
"same here, wanna sit together on the bus?"
Bella was startled by the question. "yes , I would love to."
Bella asked "Is that your brother?"
April replied " Yeah his name is Nathan, hes 11. "
By then the bus came, they sat together and talked. Bella noticed how calm she was talking to April. They got to school, turns out they have the same classes together. In each and everyone they sat together. Slowly becoming the best of friends.
Bella remembred the rest of the year went as smooth as that. then once Bellas 10th birthday rolled around she remembred something that has always torn her.